Personal Experiences with Rape Culture

I started this blog because I know I have many personal experiences with rape culture and I know many other people do too. I think those experiences should be shared. If you have an experience I would love for you to share it, the submission button is always open. Anything I've written myself is tagged "rcr" if you're interested in tracking it and my "about me" can be found here http://rapeculturerealities.tumblr.com/post/24921936173/about-me-and-this-blog

rapeculturerealities:

rapeculturerealities:

So, we’re currently relocating because my partner got a kick ass job offer and we had a ridiculous financial road block thrown up courtesy of my asshole ex husband. It’s a serious problem and we’re freaking out and scrambling to come up with the money so I’m doing a bake sale! If you’re interested here’s the full story and the link to the gofundme. If you’re not that’s totally cool and I’m sorry to disrupt all the rape culture blogging in favor of begging but we’re desperate and I just have to at this point. Many thanks!

http://www.gofundme.com/c0d1gc

bump

Asker Anonymous Asks:
There is a new Vine trend going around encouraging young black (especially, but really assholes of any race) men to try to get alone in elevators with women, preferably white, wait until the doors close and try to scare them and record and post their reactions online, encouraging repeat attacks. Be fucking warned, anyone to pull that shit, I will fucking shove my apartment key into your eye if you do that to me for a laugh, for a fucking internet MEME. Fear outside And at home or work? Fuck you.
rapeculturerealities rapeculturerealities Said:

redhester:

hello sister rapeculturerealities, thank you this post. i am compelled to add the following out of a sense of integrity.

thanks for opening up this conversation.

ok. i am not defending male aggression of any sort. but what i must also say is that this nasty vine meme is a commentary on the anti-black phobia of white women who are socialized to view all black men as attackers/thugs. and that in a very gross and rapey way the black men meming this vine are seeking to ‘turn the tables’ on their perceived criminality by actually doing what white women already think they are. simply put, white women already paint black men as criminals so they will just play the role by acting on the trope. so the vine meme is a form of horrific and cruel protest against the constant and dehumanizing and micro-aggression that black men face from white women.

now, just because i understand what is happening does not mean i endorse or excuse it. the correct response to anti-black racism is not misogyny. that just excuses the white devil for his crimes by attacking his proxy (white women).

attacking the proxy of the oppressor is a common tactic by oppressed individuals who lack the collective power of an organized resistance movement. and that’s why organized collective resistance is so critical. because only organized collective resistance can effectively harness individual rage into a constructive energy that benefits the collective.

so these black men have a legitimate grievance that they are using as an excuse to attack the white devil’s proxy. this is an act of low cowardice and i say DEATH TO COWARDS! for their lack of integrity kills them even as their bodies still walk among us.

so what i am asking for here is greater discernment into the causes of this evil, as an act of compassion. because everyone is losing here. no one wins when the white devil is not directly attacked from all sides by organized, class-based, collective resistance.

survivorsupport:

 

ourafrica:

I’m so upset, angry and just completely disgusted about this story!


Matthew Durham, 19, allegedly confessed to sexually assaulting several children at an orphanage in Kenya, police said. (Credit: KFOR)

An Edmond teenager faces a possible life in prison sentence after authorities say they learned about shocking crimes he allegedly committed on an African mission trip.

The suspect was volunteering at a Kenyan children’s home when he allegedly raped and molested a number of young children.

According to court records, 19-year-old Matthew Durham confessed to raping several young girls, forcing some boys to perform oral sex on him and even making other kids watch.

“This is a young man in our community that made choices to exploit children in an orphanage,” said United States Attorney Sanford Coats. “It’s a true tragedy all the way around.”

The 19-year-old suspect traveled overseas with a group called Upendo.

Upendo is an organization that assists neglected Kenyan kids by providing food, housing, clothes and religion.

While Durham volunteered to travel overseas several times over the last two years, on his last visit, the criminal complaint alleges, “Durham requested to stay at the children’s home in an ‘overflow bunk’ rather than at an offsite facility.”

During that visit, several alleged victims claimed Durham “often touched them in a sexual manner or told them to touch themselves while he watched.”

Once confronted, Durham allegedly came clean.

“A caretaker at the orphanage noticed something wasn’t right and confronted Mr. Durham. He admitted to some of the acts,” said Coats.

The affidavit continues, “The victims are believed to be both boys and girls between the ages of four and nine, at least one of whom is HIV positive.”

Prosecutors say while the alleged sex crimes were committed overseas, Durham can be held accountable for the crimes in Oklahoma.

Durham is being held without bond.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
The term "loose" women comes from the idea that they escaped, same terminology as "the cows got loose" for example. They escaped their owner. In fact, animal husbandry (owning and breeding captive animals) is where the term "husband" comes from, bride actually comes from "bird", as in "caged", "mr" comes from "master". Your cows, sheep, wife all got your name, so did your land, if you're ever wondering why very old, especially European, houses have names (and many cities have male's last names).
rapeculturerealities rapeculturerealities Said:

I had never heard this before. It’s interesting and it makes sense. Damn.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
I recently started seeing this guy and when the topic of sex came up I told him I couldn't/wouldn't sleep with him yet. He said I was "punishing" him and I felt ashamed with my inexplicable need to defend myself and talk about my not one but two rapes. He countered with "but I'm one of the good guys" and "nice guys always lose" and proceeded to whine all night about his needs. I was disgusted with how I had to fight the urge to apologize and how I had to convince myself that I'm not at fault.
rapeculturerealities rapeculturerealities Said:

Oh wow, I’m so so sorry you had to deal with that. That’s just so terrible. You’re right, it’s not your fault at all and you’ve done NOTHING wrong. That guy is an asshole and has no business being in a relationship with anyone. You deserve so much better than that and you have all of my sympathies for that horribleness.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
There is a new Vine trend going around encouraging young black (especially, but really assholes of any race) men to try to get alone in elevators with women, preferably white, wait until the doors close and try to scare them and record and post their reactions online, encouraging repeat attacks. Be fucking warned, anyone to pull that shit, I will fucking shove my apartment key into your eye if you do that to me for a laugh, for a fucking internet MEME. Fear outside And at home or work? Fuck you.
rapeculturerealities rapeculturerealities Said:

http://jpg816.tumblr.com/post/92245584910

————— Mod Note —————

I’ll be honest, I don’t have a response.  I mean, I do, I could write an treatise, an entire doctoral thesis, a massive novel that would absolutely take down all of the bullshit and plainly, clearly, consicely explain everything that’s wrong here and why it’s wrong and what needs to happen for it to not be wrong anymore. I could say all sorts of stuff. But I won’t. I just… we have to pick our battles. Our energies, everything we have, all of us, it’s finite. We can only do so much and if we spend our time beating against the brick walls of people like this who have shown that they will not listen or hear or learn no matter what because their absurd, hate-filled “logic” is so desperately entrenched all evidence will only make them dig their heels in harder and be worse than they already are then we won’t have anything left to spend where we can actually make a difference. 

So I don’t have a response. It’s upsetting and I’d love to be able to do something about it. It’s so upsetting that it’s the kind of thing that keeps me up at night. But i have to be real with myself and recognize that I won’t be able to affect these people so I move on and I do what I can elsewhere.

Anyone who’s interested in going over there is more than free to and if you come up with any kick ass take downs we’d love it if you submit ‘em here for all to see :)

~ Rage

When I was three, I was groomed, raped and assaulted by a seven year old boy and his friends for a period of (what seemed like) at least three months. I was groomed to molest another child and remember doing so.

This was at a blended primary school with a kindergarten/prep faculty (from memory, at least). When I told my parents, I was blamed for trusting this boy, and told that I could get them into trouble with child welfare. They contacted the faculty nonetheless and withdrew me from the school a few weeks later. The boy was still there, and from memory, his parents were not told about what he did- behavior that flags possible abuse and grooming from an adult to this boy.

I remember one of the carers treating me with contempt and going out of her way to avoid me after the people on the faculty new I was abused. My mum told me only recently that part of their disbelief that I was abused was that I am autistic and that I probably imagined being raped on a near daily basis. There were numerous red flags regarding what happened as well, that what I went through could have been prevented by my carers: I was dragged into the dry forest to be assaulted by a group of boys (pretty obvious imo), that I went missing for long periods of time, being covered in dirt, being clearly disheveled, crying, and the fact that my underpants were missing and tucked into my bag by these boys were not symptoms of severe abuse?

Child-on-child sexual abuse is so under-reported and rare that I disbelieved myself for years. It has impacted my ability to engage in intimacy, how much I trust people who I want to get close to, and has contributed to severe depression and anxiety in my adult life. I have been gaslighted and told not to talk about it with my family. The last time I spoke about it with my mum was three years ago.

I went through a brief attempted rape when I was sixteen by my first and last “boyfriend”, and my past contributed to a few people spreading rumors about me lying about rape because it occurred in under two minutes, because no penetration occurred and because it happened in a school building.

Sometimes I doubt myself, I wonder if I’m crazy and if both of my assaults weren’t “as bad,” as I know they were. When people say women lie about rape, that rape is rare and only happens to blonde, virginal middle-class women under a full moon and under other stupid conditionals I feel physically sick. Because of my assaults, I feel a constant sense of otherness and discomfort with how romance and love are constructed within a patriarchal society. I have been through three “real” relationships,and all of my partners perceptions of me tie in some way to my abuse.

I found this article online, and I had to share it here. John Pavlovitz says it brilliantly already in the title, and it’s something that all men should read.

————- Mod Note ————

It is a good article in theory but I still don’t like the whole comparing women to objects (money) thing. He’s trying to say men aren’t entitled to women’s bodies which is great but he’s still objectifying women, ultimately treating us as commodities and that’s part of the problem. It’s good but it could do better.

~ Rage

rapeculturerealities:

So, we’re currently relocating because my partner got a kick ass job offer and we had a ridiculous financial road block thrown up courtesy of my asshole ex husband. It’s a serious problem and we’re freaking out and scrambling to come up with the money so I’m doing a bake sale! If you’re interested here’s the full story and the link to the gofundme. If you’re not that’s totally cool and I’m sorry to disrupt all the rape culture blogging in favor of begging but we’re desperate and I just have to at this point. Many thanks!

http://www.gofundme.com/c0d1gc

bump

lotofwater:

Sexism is a social disease. Our disease.

lotofwater:

Sexism is a social disease.
Our disease.

(via partiallythere)

Hello to all!  I will be helping out with this Tumblr so I wanted to take a moment to introduce myself.  You can call me Spider.

I am a proud feminist and nerd.  Acknowledging and dismantling rape culture is a big deal to me and I’m proud to be a part of a community that works to unpack the complexities of rape culture and call it out for what it is.

I am intimately familiar with navigating rape culture on a daily basis and my reality is having been raped twice, struggling with PTSD, severe anxiety disorder and anorexia.  I am very comfortable discussing these things and may post my personal stories at some point. 

I am excited to help out here, so feel free to send asks or links and I’ll do my best to help answer them.  

-Spider-

So, we’re currently relocating because my partner got a kick ass job offer and we had a ridiculous financial road block thrown up courtesy of my asshole ex husband. It’s a serious problem and we’re freaking out and scrambling to come up with the money so I’m doing a bake sale! If you’re interested here’s the full story and the link to the gofundme. If you’re not that’s totally cool and I’m sorry to disrupt all the rape culture blogging in favor of begging but we’re desperate and I just have to at this point. Many thanks!

http://www.gofundme.com/c0d1gc