Personal Experiences with Rape Culture

I started this blog because I know I have many personal experiences with rape culture and I know many other people do too. I think those experiences should be shared. If you have an experience I would love for you to share it, the submission button is always open. We have 3 mods here. I'm Rage, there is also Spider and Isis. Our "abouts" are on the home page
Asker Anonymous Asks:
My friends and I are having an argument about age of consent and we need someone to help settle it. They're parent was in a legal firm for a while and said that even at the age of consent, if they had sex with someone between 18 and 20 that person would go to jail no questions asked, but from what I understand of the law, as long as the younger party is age of consent, and there was clean verbal consent between both parties, the other persons age doesn't matter.
rapeculturerealities rapeculturerealities Said:

It really all depends on where you are 

-Spider-

I’ve always considered myself a feminist but I’ve never been overly exposed to an environment with anti-feminist ideals (also because I’ve lived in countries in which I didn’t speak the language so that could be part of my ignorance), and so I never really considered anti-feminist men a reality. Until yesterday. I read the comments at the bottom of an article (http://inthesetimes(.)com/article/5575/girls_gone_anti-feminist) and there is nothing more scary then men saying women ‘do not want to be in control’ and that women ‘had not earned respect’ or that men need ‘sluts’ but want to settle down with ‘nice women’ (what?? what right have you to judge a girl who sleeps around especially considering YOU slept with her. for goodness sake). 

Sexism is a reality. And it is so fucking terrifying. 

Asker Anonymous Asks:
I think what that one anon meant was straight women, like white women or adults or non trans women in general get raped "more often" because they are a majority, not talking percentage wise, but literally. Straight women are around male rapists more, straight male friends. But any gender, race, body type or age can rape any gender, race, body type or age. If there is any argument I'd say it's that doing such to children or physically disabled people as a caretaker is beyond normal bad. It's sick
rapeculturerealities rapeculturerealities Said:

Another thing to consider is who reports verses who does not. Many people who are les/bi/gay/trans, PoC, immigrants, sex workers or otherwise marginalized groups don’t feel like they will be believed.  It is so hard to get a true count of rape and sexual assault because the ways that we address the crime and the survivors skew the true data.

-Spider-

Asker Anonymous Asks:
So.. the whole thing about laws banning revenge porn or passing around nude photos without consent, does that apply to non-photo shoot nude photos celebrities or are they still public property and not people/or some weak excuse about it being too vast stop, even though stealing their music and movies somehow isn't? .... -.-
rapeculturerealities rapeculturerealities Said:

The laws vary from state to state, but they don’t reach nearly far enough when it comes to actually protecting people.  A big hole in the law is that you can’t hold the website or internet service provider accountable, so once the pictures are out there, it’s hard to track the source and harder to prosecute those who refuse to stop re-posting the photos.

There is a presumption in our society that women’s bodies are there specifically for consumption.  This carries over into female celebrities, whose image is commodified. They are believed to be property of the public and treated as such, making people feel entitled to all of them, including images that the general public was never meant to see.

I think, too, that some people relish the fact that these photos were meant to be private; such a public shaming of a celeb adds to their enjoyment of the spectacle.

This story brings to light some of the issues that women face in rape culture, including the commodification of our bodies, body shaming, sexuality shaming and victim-blaming. 

-Spider-

Asker Anonymous Asks:
I'd argue that everyone who ever has had a sex tape (be a decent person and pretend they made it for the same reason your neighbor might - themselves) that was seen, much less a photo, is an invasion of privacy. So know no Jennifer Lawrence fans clicked those photos. Liking someone for what they do for you doesn't make you a fan, liking them and treating them like a person makes you a fan, the latter makes you a creep.
rapeculturerealities rapeculturerealities Said:
Asker Anonymous Asks:
(1/2) I would like to correct something one anon said. It's true rape is primarily committed by straight men but straight women are NOT the primary victims of rape or sexual abuse. 2010 the CDC released a study on abuse stats by sexual orientation. They found lesbian and bi women were more likely to experience sexual violence than straight women, in the case of bi women we are twice as likely to be raped. PLEASE PLEASE RECOGNIZE THIS. Rape is used as a weapon by the patriarchy against ALL women
rapeculturerealities rapeculturerealities Said:

(2/2)but women who fall outside the narrow definition of “good woman” such as WOC and LGBTQA women are always disproportionally targeted. Please recognize this fact, please recognize that lesbophobia, biphobia, racism and transphobia have intersected with misogyny to create this many lesbian, bisexual, WOC, and trans women victims. It’s so important to us that this problem is not made invisible. Yes rape is a gendered crime but it’s also used as a tool of oppression in many other ways.

Actors may offer their image to public consumption as their professional practice, but what they are not trading is their intimacy. To merely look is an act of sexual violation

ninjasexfarty:

Important, always-relevant comic done by the wonderful Ursa Eyer.

How do you move on after being sexually assaulted, in my case it was unwanted groping? I’ve talked to friends—does it really take alot of time to recover? Is it okay that i’m feeling afraid of relationships especially the physical part? I’m trying to leave this in the past, but i realized this has changed me forever even though it was one small incident

The time it takes to recover all depends.  There’s no set time period after which you are magically “better”.  It might not always be a trip from Point A to Point B either; you may feel better for a while and then have a setback.  It’s all up to you and the way that you feel is what’s right for you.

It’s OK to feel afraid about being physical in relationships.  It’s good that you can recognize it because that will help you take steps to work with it.  You make the rules, only do what you are comfortable with and don’t feel like you need to push your limits just to please someone else.

Be patient with yourself.  Things will start to feel better, but only if you heal at your own pace.  

It doesn’t matter how small the incident may seem, it was big enough to effect you, so it’s a big deal.  Keep talking to your friends about it; allow them to give you support and help you build your confidence back up.  

Do things that make you feel strong.  Create art of some kind, play a sport, write something.  Re-learn how to be comfortable in your own skin and when you’re ready, how to enjoy being close to others.

You’ll get there. Just take your time!

-Spider-

The status quo in rape culture is that survivors are routinely discredited.  This makes recovery so much harder than it already is.  Many survivors never share with anyone that they were raped because the fear of being called a liar or being blamed for the assault is so great.

If you tell someone and they try to discredit your story, the thing you need to realize is that they are wrong.  Keep trying and talking to people until you find someone who will help you get the support that you need.  It’s not easy to do after having your trust broken, but it’s necessary.  

Don’t let someone’s ignorance about rape keep you from getting the help that you need to heal.  

Find people who will stand up for you.  Speak your truth about what happened despite what other people say.  You know what happened to you and you deserve to be believed.

Get the people who blame you out of your life.  They aren’t healthy for you and won’t help you grow.  Trust in yourself and those who believe you and use that strength to get through.

We believe you!

-Spider-

Asker Anonymous Asks:
if two people below the age of consent who are identical or very close in age engage in sexual intercourse, with both "consenting" (quote marks since minors can't legally consent) an equal amount, is it statutory rape?
rapeculturerealities rapeculturerealities Said:

It depends on the guidelines your state sets aside regarding age of consent, but in general, it’s not statutory rape.  

-Spider-