I posted last week asking people if they knew of some good resources for male victims of sexual assault. Here is the list people came up with:
People are boycotting Kraft just because of this one ad
Wow, when you put it that way it almost seems like we live in a rampantly sexist, misogynistic, and hypocritical society.
Yes we do my friend. Yes we do.
catcalls and other street harassment are a form of violence and expressed hatred for women and don’t ever think of it as anything but that because a man on the street can go from “hey baby you look sexy tonight” to “bitch don’t fucking ignore me” in .002 seconds
it’s not about appreciating a woman’s beauty or boosting her ego with a little compliment, it’s intimidation and a source of empowerment for them
Got stopped on the street last week by an old man who stopped andsaid
do you know how pretty you are?”
I said “I have a boyfriend”
because that’s the biggest threat to most guys, another male.
But he kept going he said “I don’t care do you know how almighty cute and pretty you are?”
I said “Yeah. I do.”
He paused. “You do?”
I said “Hell yeah, I know I’m hot.”
And then I walked away.
He just didn’t know how to react.
Then he said “god damn,” all disgusted, stared at me, then walked away.
What I’m saying is
If it was really a compliment
you wouldn’t care if I was confident enough
to acknowledge that I already knew
I was attractive
before your gaze split me in two
To everyone who thinks that we’re “overreacting” to the character derailing rape scene on Game of Thrones, I’d like to issue the following invitation.
I’m putting the rest behind the cut, because this might be the most triggering thing I’ve ever written. If you don’t understand why people are so angry over this development, please do read on. .
straight boys think girls can’t take compliments, and that’s ridiculous cause i’ve seen so many girls compliment each other, i’ve seen conversations & friendships blossom from girls complimenting each other in line, on the street, at school waiting for the bys, pretty much anywhere.
the problem is straight boys think sexual harassment & assault are compliments.
* Men who don’t respect consent don’t have a special right to keep that private.
* Men who threaten violence against women don’t have a special right to keep that private.
* Men who disregard a woman’s sexual agency to objectify her don’t have a special right to keep that private.
* Men who abuse women don’t have a special right to keep that private.
When I was 12 (2 months shy of 13), I went to a school where a guy (a year older, but we were in the same class) kept grabbing my boobs in between class periods, and he once showed me his penis on webcam. The grabbing went on for two years, and was done in front of the whole class, where no one helped (they all just laughed). This was over 10 years ago, and I don’t really know if I should class it just as bullying, or if it was a form of sexual harassment, statutory rape… I really don’t know.
I just know at the time I was very ashamed of what happened, and didn’t tell my parents until just recently, but I never really knew why. I guess I thought no one thought it was a big deal, because none of my classmates ever said anything, they just laughed.
What do you think it was?
I think it’s a lot of things. What you’ve described easily fits the definitions for sexual assault, sexual harassment, a violation, abuse, and bullying. Sending you an unsolicited dick pic could absolutely be called porn rape which is a thing though it’s not really something that’s legally actionable or a terminology that’s widespread, mostly because it’s so new. Ultimately you’re the only person who gets to define what you’ve experienced since you’re the only one who really knows what happened and how it felt and you’re the one who has to be comfortable with whatever you name it so I’m not able to really tell you what to call it. Naming something is a powerful use of agency and it’s something that, in my experience, helps victims deal with their experiences. You should feel free to use any or even all of the terms I just listed and anything else you can think of to describe what you went through. Since it’s your life you’re the one who gets to be in control of what you call it, how you talk about it, even how you think about it.
No matter what, though, I hope you know that NONE of this was your fault in any way. Abusers abuse, that’s what they do and when they’ve chosen a victim that’s pretty much all their is to it. It’s not your fault he chose you and it’s not your fault nobody helped out when you needed it most. The responsibility for his actions lays 100% with him, he chose to do this, nobody else. I’m so so sorry you had to suffer through that and I really hope that you’re healing in the aftermath. Getting past something like that takes so much and it can be so hard to do. All of my love and sympathies to you and if you need to talk or anything like that I’m here. <3