Personal Experiences with Rape Culture

I started this blog because I know I have many personal experiences with rape culture and I know many other people do too. I think those experiences should be shared. If you have an experience I would love for you to share it, the submission button is always open. Anything I've written myself is tagged "rcr" if you're interested in tracking it.
Recent Tweets @
Men are very passionate about justifying sexual violence against women. To say sex is a ‘human right’ leaves out a woman’s right to be free from violence. That would be the true definition of human rights.

crazyhamlet:

angryampersand:

angryampersand:

I’m really glad people are opening up and talking now, because the degree to which people think shit like this is acceptable is ridiculous. Industry professionals need to make huge changes, but so do consumers and fans. We just all need to be better than this. Jesus Christ. 

Adding these last tweets too because it illustrates perfectly how this stuff goes even beyond “internet harassment” to creating a culture where women don’t feel safe doing their day to day lives because of  the way that men get away with this shit ( and without being challenged or silenced!). 

My biggest hope from all these conversations is that they will not just go away, like so many previous ones, and that things will start to change, because. I mean how many other ways are there to say this? Unacceptable and abhorrent in every way. 

I see Kate half the times I go into the comic book store and she’s never been anything but nice and helpful and fun. I can’t even imagine the mindset you’d have to have to literally dedicate days of your life to trying to tear down someone else in such a horrible way. Imagine what you could do with that time otherwise.

(via weeaboo-chan)

I twittered about this earlier, but sometimes it feels as though talking about misogyny in this industry is like dealing with Groundhog Day: there seems to be a continuous reset, a collective male amnesia around the issue. As if, when a woman speaks out, it’s for the first time and everyone is shocked. Just shocked, I tell you. Sexism exists? OH MY GOD.

Veteran writer Marjorie Liu on sexual harassment/misogny in the comics industry—and the collective amnesia that hits much of the industry every time the topic ever gets broached. (via robot6)

"exceptionalism" excuses the violence of oppressive power. no exceptions.

(via aintgotnoladytronblues)

(via sanityscraps)

actressesofcolor:

This is not about an actress of color, but please vote against David O. Russell being included in #TIME100. If you are unaware, he admitted to sexually assaulting his transgender niece, and does not deserve any sort of praise or recognition. Reblog to spread the word!

(via boygeorgemichaelbluth)

clitulufhtagn:

consent is sexy in the same way that not shitting on people’s doorsteps is sweet and neighborly

(via elsasanxiety)

candidlycara:

Accurate. Victim services and our vehemently anti rape culture campus is an example that should be emulated by college campuses nationwide. #UCFPride #LearnFromUs #CoughFSU #UCF #AbolishRapeCulture

your-lies-ruin-lives:

It really annoys me when prolifers say that a pregnant person shouldn’t get an abortion to free themselves entirely from an abusive situation since an abusive relationship is better than “killing the child.” 

I decided to poke around on statistics and I found the following. 

"Pregnant and recently pregnant women are more likely to be victims of homicide than to die of any other cause , and evidence exists that a significant proportion of all female homicide victims are killed by their intimate partners." [X]

Around 324,000 women experience partner abuse during their pregnancy. 
26% of pregnant teens report their boyfriends abuse them and that it started or intensified when he was made aware of the pregnancy. [X]

"Pregnancy can be an especially dangerous time for women in abusive relationships, and abuse can often begin or escalate during the pregnancy." [X]

"Pregnant and recently pregnant women are more likely to be victims of homicide than to die of any other cause." [X]

Then I poked around on statistics about abusers reforming. It was dismal. Most of what I found mentioned the only way an abuser can change is if they WANT to change. The problem with abusers is that they don’t think there’s anything wrong with them. They think they are not only justified in their behavior but ALLOWED to since it’s their right. Then I poked around at custody laws with even abusive parents and that was even more grim. 

It’s hard to leave abusive relationships especially in the cases of the finances being controlled by the abusive partner, and the probability that everyone outside of that home thinks the abuser is a fantastic person and couldn’t ever possibly be abusive. So when a person is in abusive relationship and is pregnant, to leave, sometimes they have to cut the ties in any way possible. A judge is less likely to grand a restraining order for them if a kid’s involved unless there’s verified, repeated evidence. And a lot of abusers go to court, and never see jail time. Which just leaves that person in the world to be even more abusive because their character comes into question. 

So, put together the fact the law is hardly on the side of the victims, the custody laws, and the statistics with abusers severely abusing/killing their victims and you have a recipe for a necessity to get out at any cost. 

The whole system needs revamping there. But in the meantime, it is still going to be a necessary thing. To say otherwise is to say “I don’t care if you end up dead to your abuser. You’re staying pregnant.” 

I’ll just go ahead and add that my mother was primed to leave my father when he sabotaged her birth control and got her pregnant with me.  Reproductive abuse is a common tactic of abusers, it’s most often used to force women to stay when they’re trying to get out.  He did it to her two more times after that, each time she was going to leave, was ready t leave, had the money and resources necessary to leave, was going to take us with her and each time he impregnated her against her will.  This is a form of rape and it’s the kind of thing that happens way more often than most of people realize.  

Now, as the kid in that situation, I can absolutely say without a shadow of a doubt that never existing at all would have been a million times better than spending 18 years of my life controlled and abused by a sadistic rapist and the same goes for my brother (the third pregnancy was a stillbirth).  I like my life now (that I’m almost thirty and have spent untold dollars and hours on intense therapy dealing with the issues that arose from the abuse) and I’m not saying I wish I was dead or anything like that but if I’d never existed in the first place I never would have had to suffer and not suffering is absolutely what’s best for the child in any such situation.  As someone who’s been there not existing and not being abused is always better than being abused.  Always.

(via howprolifeofyou)

Toxic masculinity hurts men, but there’s a big difference between women dealing with the constant threat of being raped, beaten, and killed by the men in their lives, and men not being able to cry.
Robert Jensen (via quoilecanard)

(via facebooksexism)

faineemae:

If you sexualize every single movement of a woman then proceed to blame her for it, seek help.

(via the-uncensored-she)

gokuma:

mad-lynn:

fuzzytek:

The backlog of rape kits has put justice on hold for a lot of people. Back in 2009, more than 11,000 untested kits were found in a Detroit Police Department storage facility. Some were more than 25 years old.

Mariska Hargitay speaks on some of the issues surrounding the rape kit backlog in Detroit, Michigan. #endthebacklog (x)

It costs between $1,000 – $1,500 to test every single rape kit. There are over 10,000 kits left in Detroit’s rape kit backlog. Your donation can go directly to testing them. Donate to the Detroit Crime Commission’s backlog initiative by clicking here.

I am pretty explicitly anti-police in every respect. But I support Wayne County prosecutor Kym Worthy and her push to catalogue the egregious backlog of unprocessed rape kits in Detroit. 

Her work has already identified countless serial rapists in southeast Michigan, and will continue to identify these rapist pieces of shit as she moves forward.

Who cares if this process leads to conviction or not. Just give us the list. We can take care of the rest.

"After Detroit tested the first 10% of its backlogged kits, authorities were able to link cases to 46 serial rapists." (x)

Just think about it: 46 serial rapists. And the evidence against them was out there, all the time, in those backlogged kits. And that’s just 10% of them

(via petitsirena)

Sometimes in black communities we forget that black girls are girls, not little women. My friend then shared with me her own story of being sexually abused and ending up pregnant and in need of an abortion at age 12 because her family members irresponsibly left her with a male family friend. The first time a 12-year-old black girl ever told me she had been raped, I, too, was 12 and she was a friend. The second time, I was a 22-year-old teacher, and the 12-year-old was my student.

I realize now, having heard a version of this story, yet again, that as gut-wrenching as these stories are, among black girls they are not uncommon; they are not even remarkable. So many of the highly educated black women you see went to hell and back before reaching the age of 18. Education has become our drug of choice.

[…]For black girls, educational achievement is not always the best indicator of a stable, happy home life. For me, education offered a goal and reward structure that was predictable and that I could control, simply by doing what was asked of me. In the midst of so many things I could not control, school was attractive. I imagine that for many black girls the narrative is similar.
Asker Anonymous Asks:
One of the worst parts about having a history with sexual abuse and rape is that I feel so isolated because of it. I have no friends that I can confide it who would understand and be supportive. The few people I have told, have not been fully supportive and have said some pretty awful things. I've had several people say "Oh, so that's why you're bisexual--you're just scared of men". I can't tell anyone without them invalidating my identity.
rapeculturerealities rapeculturerealities Said:

selfcareafterrape:

selfcareafterrape:

That isolation can be pretty awful. I’ve been very lucky to have supportive friends who actually helped me realize that what happened to me wasn’t consensual. I know not everyone is as luck as I am and it can be a very difficult journey. The amazing thing about SCaR is that there is a great community of survivors here. We all understand what it’s like to go through sexual abuse and to feel isolated. And I can guarantee you there are plenty of people here who will not invalidate your identity and will understand your experiences and support you in any way you need.

You’re not alone.

-Amanda

Just so you know- there’s also a SCaR facebook group- though you’ll have to friend me (Kris) in order to join it because of the privacy settings. (only people in the group are able to see you’re in the group. the group cannot be searched for. For safety reasons.)

and even if you don’t want to utilize SCaR like that? there are other options too.

There may be a survivor support group near you. Or a women’s center (if you’re a woman. but even if not- the one I used to volunteer at was welcoming of other genders.).

Or other blogs on the internet. there are a lot of people with blogs solely about being a survivor that they use to interact with other survivors- so that they can have their personal blog that they already use.. and still have somewhere to go where they can choose how open they are with who they are.

and you aren’t the only bisexual to go through that, I promise. If any of my other followers would like to speak up and offer to talk maybe? I know some of us have gone through similiar things. Unfortunately a lot of people think there has to be ‘a reason’ that someone is different than them. and that’s wrong and causes them to hurt people with their comments. Your identity is valid. and nothing is wrong with being bisexual and you don’t need a reason to be it. Your identity is valid because you are valid. 

thebigblackwolfe:

White feminists need to understand that not all men are sexualized in a way that wholly benefits them. That is something exclusive to white men point blank period.

Because MOC are sexualized in ways that remove their agency and their humanity, and most times this is perpetrated by both white women and white men.

So when you’re talking about the sexualization of men giving men power, you need to be specific about which group of men you’re talking about.

(via queerandpresentdanger)

Many groups claim that they are neutral about reporting a rape to the police; they say they neither push a woman into it, nor tell her she shouldn’t report. Their literature and phone counseling is biased toward giving women information on how to report a rape and what the police and hospital procedures are. They don’t present any other options besides going to the police or doing nothing. Therefore, if a woman feels that she’d like to do something about her rape, but the only thing she is told about is the police, her probable choice would be to go to the police.

Letter to the Anti-Rape Movement (1977)

The legal/prison system isn’t a viable option for many survivors of sexual violence. The system perpetuates racism and misogyny, engages in its own sexual violence, responds to a select few “types” of victims, revictimizes survivors in multiple ways (including incarcerating them), and does nothing to address the larger culture of sexual violence.

Anti-violence groups need to provide more options.

(via bebinn)

(via cool-whatever)