Personal Experiences with Rape Culture

Nonviolence is an inherently privileged position in the modern context. Besides the fact that the typical pacifist is quite clearly white and middle class, pacifism as an ideology comes from a privileged context. It ignores that violence is already here; that violence is an unavoidable, structurally integral part of the current social hierarchy; and that it is people of color who are most affected by that violence. Pacifism assumes that white people who grew up in the suburbs with all their basic needs met can counsel oppressed people, many of whom are people of color, to suffer patiently under an inconceivably greater violence, until such time as the Great White Father is swayed by the movement’s demands or pacifists achieve that legendary “critical mass.

Peter Gelderlos, Why Nonviolence Protects the State (via tabularasae)

(via tabularasae)

thefrogman:

I believe that there are a small group of women who hate men just for being men. I believe that the textbook definition of the word misandry fits that description. I believe there are bad things that happen to men. I believe those issues should be addressed. I do not believe that a fringe group of women who hate men can be blamed for those issues.

Misandry was a dead word until recently. A group of men who feared the progress of feminism revived the word and used it to undercut the movement. They like having the power being a man provides and they don’t want to lose that. So they created a movement, found a bunch of legitimate issues that affect men, and tried to blame women for those issues. They called this misandry. It’s like conservatives using buzzwords like “death panels” to make people fear health care. They let people assume it meant Obama wanted to kill your grandma. They let their cute little phrase infect the minds of good people and convince them of falsehoods.

People are telling me that men cannot report rape without getting laughed at. They say this is misandry. It is the fault of women who hate men. But that just doesn’t make any sense to me. When I seek a logical explanation, it seems more likely that this is because men are supposed to be strong and women are supposed to be weak. And rape has been viewed as something that happens mostly to women. So if it does happen to a man, they must be weak. How did this idea of men=strong and women=weak start? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t because of misandry. It is an ancient patriarchy collapsing in on itself.

Feminism is about fighting inequality. It’s about erasing the strong/weak perception ingrained into our society. Misandry, as the term is often used today, is about trying to blame women for anything bad that happens to men.

If you want to fight to fix issues that affect men, go for it. But I would really consider distancing yourself from this term. It is used to evangelize folks into a movement that is very problematic. A group that can’t handle scrutiny of their comic books and video games, so they send death and rape threats. A group that calls women sluts and think they ask for rape if they show too much cleavage. Those are the people who coined this term, and you should want nothing to do with them or their language.

(via jane-potter)

What if all women were bigger and stronger than you? And thought they were smarter? What if women were the ones who started wars? What if too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos and no K-Y Jelly? What if the state trooper who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike was a woman and carried a gun? What if the ability to menstruate was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs? What if your attractiveness to women depended on the size of your penis? What if every time women saw you they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands? What if women were always making jokes about how ugly penises are and how bad sperm tastes? What if you had to explain what’s wrong with your car to big sweaty women with greasy hands who stared at your crotch in a garage where you are surrounded by posters of naked men with hard-ons? What if men’s magazines featured cover photos of 14-year-old boys with socks tucked into the front of their jeans and articles like: “How to tell if your wife is unfaithful” or “What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate” or “The truth about impotence”? What if the doctor who examined your prostate was a woman and called you “Honey”? What if you had to inhale your boss’ stale cigar breath as she insisted that sleeping with her was part of the job? What if you couldn’t get away because the company dress code required you wear shoes designed to keep you from running? And what if after all that women still wanted you to love them?

For The Men Who Still Don’t Get It, Carol Diehl (via oitheresawargoingonhere)

Realist shit you’ll ever read.

(via avocadh0e)

(via feminishblog)

werelemur:

trapghoul:

note to women: not all men are rapists but don’t dress like a whore and be responsible for your actions because all men are rapists

You forgot “be clear about your boundaries with men, but don’t ever directly say no, because you might hurt their feelings and not be ladylike, and unladylike women deserve whatever happens to them.”

Last time, Zoe needed to wear underwear, and this time it was Alice Eve’s turn. You know, it’s a rather large male fanbase, and JJ wanted to appeal to that.

GROSS.

(Star Trek Into Darkness: how it was made, by the people who made it | Film | The Guardian)

(via veruca-assault)

Hey sexy, nice tits. Whoa, why are you so upset? It’s a compliment. I’m only being nice to you, you stupid bitch.

Male proverb. (via babygrrls)

(via ohfuckitszombieoprah)

trapghoul:

note to women: not all men are rapists but don’t dress like a whore and be responsible for your actions because all men are rapists

(via iamwindomearle)

The D00dbro Hate for Angelina Jolie and Her Breasts

Yesterday I was chatting with some of my friends about the heinous douchey d00dbro outcry over Angelina Jolie’s mastectomy as though somehow her breasts and their attachment to those breasts is far more important than her life and overall well-being when one of my friends questioned the seeming disconnect between the common douchey d00dbro LOVE of fake titties but getting a mastectomy and having implants put in afterwards is somehow the worst thing evar. In theory fake bewbs are fake bewbs and if you’re one of those d00ds who likes ‘em then it shouldn’t matter how or why they happened, right? Well, clearly that’s not the case so there must be something more going on here.

I think the real issue here, the real reason so many jerks are being jerks over this is agency. A woman who gets giant fake implants in order to please a man or many men is doing what women are “supposed” to do, she’s packaging herself, her body, and her sexuality for (cishet) male consumption and making herself complicit in the objectification that goes along with all that (cishet) male consumption. She’s not “really” being the agent of her own life, she is, but she’s doing it in a way that places the (cishet) male gaze in a position of primacy and she’s in no way challenging that gaze, that consumption, and the overarching patriarchal nonsense that creates all that stuff in the first place.

Meanwhile a woman doing something like what Ms. Jolie did is extremely agentic. She’s taking charge of her health, her body, and her life and not considering (cishet) male opinions in the process. This is all about her, what’s best for her, what she needs and how dare she act like her breasts are her’s to do with as she pleases?! How dare she act like her health and well-being is more important than the ogling and fantasizing and objectification of douchey d00dbros?! How dare she actually be the agent of her own life and behave like a whole person instead of a collection of body parts which exists exclusively for (cishet) male consumption?!

It’s not about the breasts, it was never about the breasts, it’s about a woman exercising her agency, using her power for herself without regard for (cishet) male opinions and the douchey d00dbros can’t handle that because it upsets the patriarchal balance their way of life depends upon which, to them, is the worst most tragic thing possible.

American Apparel really know about that ”unisex” thing. Damn well. (English version) →

Unisex. UNI and SEX. What’s it really about? According to Wikipedia, the word unisex “refers to things that are suitable for either gender” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unisex 2013-05-14). That’s nice! Something that BOTH women and men can do. Something the two sexes have in common. Like buying a shirt. Maybe a flannel or denim one. And wear it. And where to buy a shirt if not American Apparel? Gorgeous, sweet and especially cool and trendy American Apparel. After surfing around for a while I realize they also sell “unisex-clothing”. Perfect! I log on to their webpage with the word UNISEX dancing around in my mind. It echoes in my ears. Unisex, unisex, unisex.

graceebooks:

men at large think they are being robbed of something when an attractive woman with a 90% chance of developing breast cancer gets a double mastectomy

what better illustration of the male sense of sexual entitlement do you need

(via wearenotgods)

Suppose a man makes unwanted social advances to a woman in, let’s say, a restaurant or theatre, and she eventually has to tell him loudly or angrily to get lost. She is the one who will be perceived as rude, hostile, aggressive, and obnoxious. His verbal aggression and invasiveness are accepted and expected; her rudeness (or mere curtness) in getting rid of him is noticed and condemned. One of our great myths is that a “real lady” can and should handle any difficulty, defuse any assault, without ever raising her voice or losing her manners. Female rudeness or violence in resistance to male aggression has often been taken to prove that the woman was not a lady in the first place, and therefore deserved no respect from the aggressor or sympathy from others.

D.A. Clarke, “A Woman With a Sword” (via foodbeersexwhatever)

(via imthepinktoyourfloyd)

iamwindomearle:

rosalarian:

Angelina Jolie had a double mastectomy, in case you hadn’t heard. How dare she remove those ticking time bombs from her chest, amiright? Like, hasn’t she learned by now that her body is public domain and we all get to vote on what she does with it? Sheesh, how selfish can ya get.

Perfect.

sad-teeth:

So today Angelina Jolie had double mastectomy, which is the removal of one’s breasts, to prevent Breast cancer. So instead of praising Angelina on her bravery, men on Twitter decided to ridicule her, even calling her stupid for removing her breasts. For those of you on Tumblr that are attacking Feminists about being delusional about sexism against women and misogyny here’s your fucking proof that sexism and misogyny exists.

(via pallas-athena)

The Adventures of Dame Ladycock, War Princess: crunchyberrymessiah/animebreakfastfollowers aka Michael Antonio Cook of Ashland, Ohio is a sexual abuser who preys on... →

californization:

content warning for sexual abuse

I’ve hesitated making this post for a few days now but i’ve decided that it was time to open up about this. Crunchberrymessiah/doritosfourlokos — their current url is drilbittaylor — is a sexual abuser who targets teenage girls

I’m sure that I am not the only one but last year, when they followed me as cyberterrorist, they sent me lots of inappropriate messages. They were constant, like two to three messages a day, ranging from “I love you” - which is wildly inappropriately because we barely knew each other - to much more sexual stuff. I was 16 at the time at the time they were sending me these messages. I never replied to any of them but they never failed to send me those messages. Eventually, they got so bad that I had to tell them to unfollow me.

Recently, they sent me this message:

In this message, they basically deny responsibility, attempts to gaslight me by saying that they “don’t remember”, and uses their mental illness as a crutch. How can you NOT remember sending a teenage girl multiple inappropriate messages per DAY? Sending me so many messages that I had to tell you to unfollow me?

Unfortunately, I was not the only girl they preyed on.

This victim reached out to me to write this post and I am keeping her completely anonymous. Please don’t ask me for her name/URL because I will not give it to you.

This victim was 15 years old when Michael began to harass her. They started by sending her unsolicited nudes, well aware of the fact that she was 15 years old, and sending her sexually inappropriate messages. The teenage girl felt extremely pressured to respond to these messages as she and Michael had a friendship before hand. They traded skype names and after a while, they began to video chat. Michael then pressured the girl to get naked and masturbate for them. This happened multiple times. The girl, at several points in time, told Michael that she was extremely uncomfortable with what they were doing and that she no longer wanted to continue but Michael manipulated her using their mental illness. They told her things such as that “she was the only thing that kept him going” and told her of their depression and anxiety.

This 15 year old girl eventually tried to break off contact with them but it was very difficult for her because Michael often used their mental illness as a manipulation tactic on her. They used this same tactic whenever she tried to tell them that she was uncomfortable and pressured into preforming sexual acts for them.

Here is a facebook screenshot where they admitted to the abuse:

As you can see, they uses their mental illness as a way to cover their ass against the claim that YES, pressuring a 15 year old girl into having webcam sex with you is wrong. It doesn’t matter if you’re depressed or mentally ill. Sexual harassment and pedophilia are not okay.

Michael Cook, aka Crunchberrymessiah aka drilbittaylor is a sexual predator. They send inappropriate sexual messages, unsolicited nudes out, and pressures 15 year old girls into having webcam sex with They. They are a sexual predator.

If you’ve experienced anything similar from them, which I know multiple young girls have, please speak up and let your voice be heard, if you feel comfortable doing so.

Michael Antonio Cook of Ashland, Ohio is a predator and a pedophile.

(via sanityscraps)

[TW: rape]
“This is why a rapist does not have to be physically violent, or state in clear terms that he intends physical violence, for forceful rape to occur. When somebody has illustrated that they are willing and able to step so far outside of the boundaries of human safety, a victim has every reason to expect that there are no boundaries on their behavior. If this person is willing to have sex with somebody who very clearly does not want sex, that person is probably also willing to, or at least capable of, causing physical injury when the lack of consent turns to a physical struggle….
A rapist does not have to use violence. Initiating sex without consent already indicates how little the rapist cares about your consent in the act. How far does that lack of concern extend? Is this the kind of rapist that could continue to enjoy sex when their victim is in obvious physical pain? Could they enjoy causing the pain? Is this the kind of rapist that will happily kill their victim afterwards? A victim has no idea, whether the rapist is a stranger, acquaintance, friend, family member, boyfriend, or husband. Because if a victim could look at a person and know that they were capable of rape, they would not be within physical proximity in the first place. A victim doesn’t know their rapist is capable of rape until a rape begins; and once a victim knows that, they have no idea what else their rapist is capable of. A rapist does not have to threaten further violence. The rape is threat enough.

http://www.fugitivus.net/2009/01/08/another-post-about-rape/ (via seebster)

This is so true. When I was raped the most terrifying thing was worrying what else he was capable of.

(via feministarmchairregime)