I really, really, don’t think I cannot cry when I read, or see, or even hear about a guy going down on a girl on his own accord. My training (from porn & previous relationships) has taught me, and is now engraved in my brain, that eating a girl out is gross, not normal, a special and rare thing that never lasts long and is only the precursor to penetration, sometimes. Also, whenever I see it happening, (with a guy going down a woman) he seems to be genuinely disgusted by it. His face is as far away as possible, he stops a lot to look at it for a while and then barely touches for a shorter amount of time. And the women react like it’s the most amazing thing in the world.
There are songs out there (in mainstream radio) about women giving guys head. Innuendos hinting about a woman sucking cock. I have never, in all my life of listening to the radio and being exposed to various music genres, heard a song that implies a man going down on a girl.
What kills me the most is that while pleasing a woman is so unbelievably unnatural to our culture, hurting her/ sexually assaulting her/ using her for your sexual pleasure/being dominant over her sexually/forcing sex on her/coercing her to have sex with men/slut shaming her for when she does enjoy sex is completely normal.
Here is another question I have on this matter, why do mean enjoy seeing a woman go down on another woman? And if they themselves are disgusted by it or avoid so much, then why does is turn them on to see another person doing it? Is it because it’s a woman and that’s what their supposed to do? (being pleasing someone) And if that’s the reason, why would they like seeing a woman being pleased?
And another thing: When boys grow up, they are socially encouraged to sleep with woman and awarded/praised when they do so. And it’s even better when you supposedly please them. So why don’t you actually please them?
I know why. Because we, as woman, are taught to appease men no matter what. Our pleasure doesn’t matter. Since we’re taught that men hearing us or seeing us in pleasure arouses them, why should we ever deny them that? Even if we don’t like it? To be honest, it’s probably better to fake it anyway, because why would we ever want to bruise a man’s ego? That’s just bitchy.
I was taught all my god damn fucking life that my wants/needs don’t matter. That my emotions aren’t valid. That I was literally placed on earth to please and serve men. My clothes are meant to arouse them. My actions are meant to please them. Every single thing I do in life is, and should be, judged by men.
This is why I cry when I see a guy going down on a girl and actually pleasing her, and more so, enjoying it. Or when I hear about it. Or read about it. It’s because I am jealous. I’m so fucking jealous that those women get to have that, without asking. Without feeling ashamed and wrong. I am jealous of them being able to enjoy such a thing.
I almost wish I had never had the experience of someone eating me out so I wouldn’t feel so upset about this. But I have. And wanting it more often, makes me feel like a man-hater. I’m ashamed to want it. I cry because I want it.
And that’s just not right.